A warning to you all: This journal contains, not a news post, but rather some self-absorbed fretting. I'm freaking out and I need to pretend that someone is listening. You're not obligated to add any pithy comments if you don't want to. I'm not offended if you ignore my whining completely.

If you don't feel like reading (and I don't blame you) here's a handy musical summary of my feelings, from my favorite band:
[link]


So...my parents are in town, right now. I love 'em an' all, but...ya know. The fact that I graduate this week is hittin' me. I'm pretty scared.

Got my Illustration degree...and...Well, I know how I stack up. My portfolio doesn't have any weak spots. I can pull out a pencil and draw anything on the spot, and fast. Really fast. I can pencil, ink, paint, digital whatever...I know my anatomy backwards and forwards. I know color theory. I know composition. I know history. I can rock any emotion. I'm an eloquent speaker. I'm a great storyteller. I'm witty, and I can smile in any situation. I don't lose my temper; I can always be polite. (Hell, I get more polite when I get angry.) I learn quick. I've never missed a deadline. I'm a people person. I know how to negotiate. I can be a team player. My insane inferiority complex has made me freakishly self-motivated. I believe in always exceeding expectations, and doing the highest caliber work for every assignment. I believe in quality above all things. I refuse to settle for less.

In short: I'm incredibly hire-able.

My biggest fear is that I'm going to end up working in an office...where they won't let me wear safety pins in my ears, where they'll make me take my Twisted Sister poster down from my cubicle, where I'll have to speak in hushed tones during the water-cooler gossip, and my coworkers will think I'm a freak for being able to talk about the writing of Captain America through the decades as a reflection of American sociopolitical self-recognition.

...Gahd, I tried so hard to make that stupid job at the coffee place work, and they fired me because I couldn't fit in to their business image. I honestly tried.

I know my parents are proud of me. My mom saw my portfolio today, while I worked on Wyldfyre stuff for my watercolor final. She was really getting into it, and asking me all about the characters--my mother, of the quiet temperament and Victorian sensibilities. My father beams at my love of history, and how I approach art like an engineer. They tell me I'm so creative...

...But they completely don't understand that in order to stay that way, I need to be kindof...eccentric. It's a double-edged sword. You can't ask me to turn that off. It's not a matter of "being an adult" or not. I like my given name of "Jolene", but when people call me that, I act like a completely different person. It's a reflexive thing; I revert back to the shy, deferential, scared little girl that I was before I picked up the nickname...the kid that people would harass, ostracize, and stick in trash cans and lockers, and boys flat-out refused to dance with. JoJo is a different animal. JoJo can go up to anybody and start talking to them. JoJo has a unique fashion sense that perfectly compliments her work (Best believe I wear ripped-up jeans and spikes to interviews.) and that people compliment her on. JoJo will sing and dance in public, at a moment's notice. JoJo is confident and can handle situations. Men ask her for her phone number.
...But JoJo doesn't exist when she's stuck into a different package.

My parents completely don't understand this. They say that I need to grow up and make money.

...GAH. It's not "childishness". I have artistic vision for my life. I have made myself into someone that I like...a lot. I can't be a person who "thinks outside the box" if you insist that I stay inside one all the time.

I wanna am gonna be a fucking rockstar. Never tell me differently.

</End idiotic ranting.>

Happy news: I got the Dis chapter 3 script finished. I should be able to start drawing it this weekend.

Speaking of Dis...Yes! If you haven't heard, it's for sale! Shipping anywhere in the world! Only US $10!
(Your kind purchase will help keep a roof over my head. Also, I will be purchasing a Twisted Sister t-shirt. I think I need one. )

...GAAAAAH!! I shouldn't be allowed to be this whiny...!! *Flail*